Male Monologue 

30’s 

Has a Jon Cryer look 

Driving down the street
(Staring into the rearview mirror for the majority of the time) 
Please please get off my back, I swear to God. I will take a soldering iron and stab you through the temple six times. I’m not joking I will fucking kill you. You’ve been on my rear end since 5th street and Broadway. Seriously! Get! The! Fuck! Off!! Okay okay. Calm down Timothy Grant Turner. You’ve got to be kidding me. And my not going fast enough for you? Really? I feel like I’m going fast enough for you. The speed limit 35 I’m going 50. OK now OK now. You are just really getting on my nerves. I’m not going any faster. I don’t know if you know this, But I am already on supervision. I’m not going to jail just for you just because you want to drive faster. Just because you need to get to somewhere. Just because you took too much time whacking off or doing God what else instead of taking the mindful decision to leave earlier to get to your destination. (he looks forward and slams on his brakes) Holy my oh god Apple pie. (The car behind him rear ends him). Great great. See what you’ve done? See!! I’m gonna give this guy piece of my mind I swear to Gah. Is that Barbara Streisand? (She gets out of the car and she’s crying. ) Uhhhhhhhh . Ma’am. I mean Miss Streisand it’s okay. You don’t have to worry. Everything is going to be okay.